“Different though the sexes are, they inter-mix. In every human being a vacillation from one sex to the other takes place, and often it is only the clothes that keep the male or female likeness, while underneath the sex is the very opposite of what it is above.” ~ Virginia Woolf
Our women’s group met for the first time tonight – an auspicious beginning that promises growth, understanding, support, exploration…
Women of all ages expressed a yearning for community, for a safe space in which to push boundaries, to discover and recover all that it means to be woman.
Inevitably the question arose, “What does it mean to be female?”
The obvious answers came up – softness, compassion, nurturing, loving, strength.
But these qualities aren’t the sole domain of women… can the definition of femaleness be as simple as the ability to bear children? Does that then take away from the femininity of women who cannot or choose not to become mothers? It certainly doesn’t feel like the right answer…
In the end, I had to say that I didn’t know what it means to be female – or at least that I have no words for it.
I am clear that I am Woman; even as a little kid, I never wanted to be a boy… I don’t even particularly enjoy the idea of being reincarnated as a guy – kinda gives me the heebie-jeebies – that’s how strongly I identify with being female.
And yet, I find the concept of my own gender intangible…
Imagine how confusing it must be if you are very clear in your own head that you are one sex, while not only the world, but your own physical body tell you you are another…
Frankly, if I woke up tomorrow with a penis, I would be a VERY unhappy woman…
But I’d still be a woman, ‘cause I’d still be me and I’m female…
(Easy to tie yourself up in knots trying to think your way through this.)
If the simple expression of gender and sexual identity is so intangible, I have to wonder how we ever got the idea that it was so black and white… did we need so badly for things to fit in nice neat packages that we ignored our own experience?
Or were we never brave enough to question it?
And what would it mean if we did?
“Perhaps both men and women in America may hunger, in our material, outward, active, masculine culture, for the supposedly feminine qualities of heart, mind and spirit–qualities which are actually neither masculine nor feminine, but simply human qualities that have been neglected. It is growth along these lines that will make us whole, and will enable the individual to become world to himself.” ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Gift from the Sea)