The Joy of Giving?

“It is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.” ~ Albert Einstein

I have a confession to make… I have taken to ducking in and out of the Whole Foods across the street from the office, scurrying in and out with my eyes lowered, even going so far as to walk all the way around the block, simply to avoid the army of people asking for money outside the doors.

They have clearly identified the people the store attracts as soft touches and therefore prime targets.  There has not been a single visit in months where at least one person didn’t ask me for a handout.

It’s not that I’m not charitable; I give to any number of organizations that support causes that I feel are important and meaningful, and which I believe make the world a better place for all.  I will almost always work out a deal for someone who needs my services but can’t pay full price, and I give away sessions to charitable organizations as auction items for benefits.  My friends are frequently the beneficiaries of not only my work but also of my time – babysitting, editing, errands, etc.  I give change in the grocery store to people who turn up short.

And for the most part, I do this all pretty joyfully.

But somehow all the giving I do doesn’t assuage the guilt I feel when I walk past an outstretched hand or rattling cup… but giving doesn’t feel good, either.

“Beggars should be abolished entirely!” said Nietzsche.  “Verily, it is annoying to give to them and it is annoying not to give to them.”

The first year I lived in Chicago, I gave to anyone who asked.  I took everyone’s story at face value and gave what I had to give… but then I started to learn things…

I listened to two men in a bus shelter wearing far nicer shoes than mine talk about what a good “scam” (their word, not mine) selling Streetwise was.

A friend shared that he had given faithfully to a man outside the restaurant at which he worked whose house had burned down.  Until the guy let it slip that he was pulling down upwards of $250 per night, five days a week, sitting where he was.  My friend did the math, realized he himself was making significantly less money, and that was the end of that.

I was subjected over and over again to the rehearsed rants by men who held entire EL cars captive, asking to be taken care of.

I discovered that one of the paraplegics sitting on the local corner would, at the end of his “shift,” wheel himself around the corner where someone in a luxury van would pick him up.

William Temple, Sr. said, “Good intentions are at least, the seed of good actions; and every one ought to sow them, and leave it to the soil and the seasons whether He or any other gather they fruit.”

I appreciate the thought – I like the idea that, as long as I give my money with good intentions, that the intention of the receiver isn’t my concern.

But that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I had “Suckah” written on my forehead that first year.

For a while, I assuaged my need to give directly by always giving to street artists.  Sing in the el tunnel… paint yourself silver and stand on Michigan Ave. dancing like a robot… drum on plastic buckets… I didn’t care.  I liked that there was at least some exchange of energy happening.

But lately that doesn’t feel like enough.  With the economy being what it is; I know I am one of the fortunate ones.  I love what I do, and I get to do it amongst people who I consider family in the very best sense of the word.  I get paid to do something that makes me feel whole and complete and like I am making the world a better place, one person at a time.

Not everyone is so lucky.

And it’s cold outside.

So, I’d like to put something directly into the hands of someone who really needs it; someone in my neighborhood, in my community who can benefit from what I can afford to give…

But I’d like not to feel like I’m being played in the process.

“We can all be conned but at what point do we realize that we’re being conned and to what point do we allow ourselves to be conned?” ~ Guy Ritchie