Dancing to Surrender

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” ~ Anatole France

The Chinese proverb, “better to light one candle than to curse the darkness,” is a lovely and meaningful statement, but I am instinctually much more attracted to Jonathon Carrol’s “You’ve got to kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight.” It should go without saying then that I am not a “surrenderer” by nature – perseverer, creator, warrior, these are much more apt descriptions. “God helps those that help themselves,” that’s me (and Ben Franklin)…

In many ways, it’s a question of trust. Surrendering means giving up control (or the illusion of control, anyway) and allowing ourselves to be lead – not blindly perhaps, but with faith that, no matter how strange or odd or disturbing the path may look, we’re headed in the right direction.

I have lots of faith about certain things… parking spots, for example. I’m always completely confident that I will have a space at the front of the mall even at Christmas… and I always do – love that!

But the things that I struggle with are, of course, the things that are hardest to give up control of. SO much better to analyze every little aspect – OVER analyze, in fact – making minute course corrections as you go – that’s the way to get what you want!

(At least, that’s what my fear tells me – although, given its track record, you think it would keep its opinion to itself. But, NOOOO, like that know-it-all relative we all have, fear is constantly sticking its nose in where it isn’t wanted.)

Now, being a person who very much values balance, dislikes being afraid of anything, and who – intellectually, anyway – understands that we all need to be able to let go and lean, I started actively working on finding an image of Universal Love (God, Goddess, Yaweh, Source, Nature, The All That Is, Bob…. whatever) that would make the idea of letting go more comfortable.

I was an actor at the time, and supporting myself waiting tables (oh, the cliché!) The nightclub that I worked at played some pretty thumpin’ music, heavy bass beats, up tempo dance hits to keep everybody jumpin’. But at the end of the evening, as everyone was starting to filter out, the DJ would always play one slow song.

At this point, one of the bartenders, also a performer, would come out from behind the bar, and the two of us, making use of all those social dance classes they made us take in acting school, would ball room our way through the last number. He was a good strong lead, and I trusted completely that he wasn’t going to drop me on my behind in the muddy alcoholic slop that is the detritus of a busy bar night. No matter how low the dip, or how fast the spin, he was always there to catch me, which meant that I could completely give myself to the music, and just dance with no worry.

In ballroom, there is a metaphor for good dancing. A couple should be like a flower – the man is the stem, the woman the petals. It is the man’s job to provide a strong enough frame and lead for the woman to bloom with grace. If they are successful, the dance transcends its choreography and becomes something more – but it’s all about trust.

My bartender and me – he guided; I flowed; we soared… and people LOVED it. It got to be a thing – people would hang around at the end of the evening just to watch us dance.

And then, one night, as we finished and he pulled me back to my feet, both of us laughing with the joy of it all, I got it…

Bob (Universal Love, Goddess, Yaweh… etc, etc, etc) is the best dance partner you can have. Going with the flow is no more difficult than following a good strong lead on the dance floor. It doesn’t mean that you’re not still doing your part – you have to keep yourself in good shape, strong, and limber. And you have to stay tuned in, connected with your partner, so that you can shift with them in the moment, feeling and sensing the next step before it happens.

But if you do… if you let go, oh, what joy!

Yes, you may be Ginger Rogers dancing backwards in high heels, as frightening as that may seem, but you will be beautiful, and safe, and, while the dips may be thrilling and a little bit scary, you will never be dropped on your behind in the glop….

At least, I’ve come to trust that that is true… and a little bit of faith, and a strong image, can go a long way…

“Dancing faces you towards Heaven, whichever direction you turn.” ~Sweetpea Tyler