“Holidays in general breed unrealistic expectations. The minute you start wondering, ‘is it going to be wonderful enough?,’ it never will be.” ~ Pepper Schwartz
Seems like the theme of the day today was “Holiday Expectations” and how to manage them in order to have as stress-free, peaceful, and joyous a holiday season as possible.
The Holidays (capital H intentional) are an archetype all their own.
By definition, an archetype is “the original pattern or model of which all things of the same type are representations.” Just like duplicates made on the office copier, the subsequent reproductions never achieve the same clarity as the original. It is impossible for any physical manifestation to fully embody all that is the archetype.
Carl Jung further proposed that archetypes are “inherited ideas or modes of thought which are derived from the experience of the race and are present in the unconscious of the individual.” Essentially, he’s saying that we all enter this world with certain concepts which are universal to all human beings… kinda like an operating system which runs underneath all the cultural, familial, and personal lessons we learn throughout life.
For example, MOTHER is an archetypal energy that we all, no matter where in the world we were born, inherently know. Our own mothers, being human, cannot possibly fulfill all of the qualities which we expect of MOTHER. Depending on how closely she comes to matching that internal picture, we feel more or less angst over the perceived lack.
All this to say that we all have an idea of what The Holidays are supposed to be, and rarely, if ever, does the actual experience match up.
Knowing this, what can we, as conscious beings, do to make this special time, not only pleasant, but joyful as well?
The first step is to be as fully conscious of our pictures as possible. If Christmas Eve to you means eating sub sandwiches while stringing popcorn and cranberries and watching Miracle on 34th Street on the couch, the odds are that you’re not going to be happy about being “forced” to attend church services. By identifying what our expectations are we have the opportunity to communicate our pictures and reach a consensus with everyone involved. Compromise may be necessary – perhaps half the family goes to church while the other half stays home – but making a conscious choice to adjust our pictures can go a long way to alleviating the discord that comes when they aren’t met.
The sad truth is that there are as many negative expectations of The Holidays as positive. Many of us feel overwhelmed by pressure and disastrous possibilities, wishing desperately that we could just go to bed and wake up when it’s all over. Making the choice to let go of our assumptions – both good AND “bad” – and to approach the coming weeks with a sense of adventure and wonder, waiting to see how it all unfolds, can also bring relief from the grind.
Throughout it all, taking advantage of and creating pockets of peace can add to the joy of the season. We all get caught up in the hustle and bustle of “have-tos” and end up feeling exhausted and resentful. Many of us, particularly if we travel, feel conflicted over “stealing” time for ourselves. But this is the usual self-care trap. Taking time to ground and connect within, going for a solitary run or walk, or taking an hour to read a book somewhere removed will actually increase the quality of our time together.
The Holidays are a marathon, not a sprint; it’s all about pacing and refueling. Identify what’s important, be conscious of pictures, let go of unproductive expectations, communicate needs clearly, give yourself permission to say “no,” make time for you…
And I promise you will survive the next month… who knows, you might even enjoy it!
“ ‘Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed’ was the ninth beatitude.” ~ Alexander Pope