“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~ Anthony Robbins
There are 616,500 words in the English language… 616,500 words, as opposed to German which has a mere 185,000, or French with under 100,000.
616,500 words with which to communicate and we still have a hard time getting our needs met. Granted, the biggest factor in this deficit is our refusal to ask for what it is we need, succumbing to either shyness or fear of looking needy, or worse yet, assuming that our nearest and dearest should just know what we need – or they would if they really loved us.
But even when we summon the courage to ask for what we want, still we’re often disappointed… why?
Each of us looks at the world through our own filter; we interact out of our own unique set of senses, experiences, and desires. The words we use are just place markers for a whole set of pictures and values for how our world should look. So “early” or “dating” or “see you soon” can mean something entirely different depending on who you ask.
Once, when I lived with my sister, she sent me a text telling me she was sick. Me being me, this kicked my nurturer into high gear – I arrived home with chicken noodle soup, ginger ale, a movie, Gatorade, and lots of love, affection, and sympathy. She wanted nothing to do with any of it – she wanted to be left alone in her room with as little awareness as possible that I or the rest of the world existed. I’m an extravert; I’d brought her what I want when I’m sick instead of stopping to consider what she, as an introvert, might prefer.
A friend recently went through a crisis during which her family did not behave as she wished they would. She’d let them know that there was an emergency and then was upset when no one had followed up with her in what she believed was the appropriate time frame. She admitted that she hadn’t told them that she would really appreciate it if they would check in with her and, since they are wired up very differently from her, there was a chance that they were giving her space to work out the problem. They assumed she would call if she needed them. Her frustration and hurt came because they didn’t behave as she would if the situation were reversed.
It’s my experience that most of us want to be as useful as we possibly can. And in order to do so, we go about doing whatever we’ve promised to do to the best of our abilities, doing what we wish others would do if we were the ones in need. I don’t think any of us set out to frustrate or upset each other on purpose.
So we need to help others help us – and the only way we do so is by communicating our pictures as clearly, and in as much detail as possible.
It’s not easy – trust me, this is a “pot calling kettle black” blog if ever there was one… but think about it if the positions were switched. I know I personally would so much rather give what is really wanted rather than what I think is needed…
Something to ponder anyway…
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door shall be opened.” ~ Matthew 7:7
Nice!