FB as Healing Modality? OMG

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” ~ Hippocrates

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~ Paul Boese

A year ago, I was a reluctant social networker… I didn’t want to be found; I had moved on from my past and become somebody new. I didn’t want to go backwards; I didn’t want to feel like I had to defend who I had been, or worse yet, have people expect me to still be that person.

But I joined Facebook anyway. Truthfully, it was because my softball league started a page and I wanted to support my girlfriend who was organizing it.

And, of course, the next thing I knew, I was getting friend invites from people I hadn’t seen in almost 20 years.

“She never talked to me in school, “I muttered, “Why does she want to be friends with me NOW?”

“He never said two words to me – does he even know who I am?????”

So I let those invites pile up… but the longer they sat there, the more anxious I became.

I found myself reliving old hurts and humiliations, stupid things I had said and done, embarrassments that almost a fifth of a century later still made my face burn with shame.

“They don’t know who I am; I’m not the same person I was then… I’ve grown, deepened, matured, mellowed… I am NOT the 8th grade Class Chatterbox anymore, DAMN IT!”

And then it hit me… yet another of my should’ve-been-obvious Cosmic Ah-Ha moments….

If, over the last 19 years, I’d changed…. maybe they had, too?

Maybe they wanted to discover who I’d become?

Maybe the only person hanging on to who I had been back then was… ME?!?!

oh

wow

I accepted all of those friend invites and have discovered – or recovered – some pretty amazing people…

I’ve also had my entire high school experience reframed – I’ve been reminded of kindnesses I did, and told that things I said back then made a difference. There have even been a few past crushes who admitted they’d been interested, too… even the bad boy down the street… 😉

I’ve worked really hard over the last 20 years to get to a point where I like who I am… but the truth is that the stamp of approval I sought was always mine to give… even in high school, I was ok – I just didn’t know it.

Now, when I look back, there’s no more pain, just empathy and compassion for that girl who, even then, was striving so hard to become…

In healing the past, I’ve freed up space for the future… and I have Facebook to thank for that.

Who’d-a thunk?

“The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.” ~ Wendell Berry