“A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sitting in the clouds, I watch the morning sun dance across the lake. Somewhere, out there, there is a break in the cover, and the light pours through to tip the waves in flashing silver…

I think about Love, Universal Love – God, Source, the All That Is, Nature – I think how elusive it seems to be… no tangible proof that there is purpose to all of this, that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts we can sense.

I watch the light, winking like Morse Code, if only I could decode the message… and I think about the Sun, invisible from where I sit, but still reflecting and refracting…

I think about the people who allow me to be part of their healing; I see them shining with their own internal light and I remember the simple, ecstatic joy I feel in response…

And I wonder if this is proof – that, just as the dazzle on the water below me is confirmation that the sun still burns above the gloom, so too the bigger picture is operating beyond the limits of our comprehension, as evidenced by the Truth we see on the faces of those we love…

I watch the light of late afternoon paint the buildings beyond my window in the sepia tones of nostalgia, knowing myself part of something larger, something enduring.

“Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” ~Rabindranath Tagore

“It [soup] breathes reassurance, it offers consolation; after a weary day it promotes sociability…There is nothing like a bowl of hot soup, it’s wisp of aromatic steam teasing the nostrils into quivering anticipation.” ~ Louis P. DeGouy, Waldorf-Astoria chef

I’ve been making soup… LOTS of soup – sometimes 2 or 3 different varieties at a time. It makes me happy.

The acts of chopping and simmering are somehow in themselves inherently nurturing. The kitchen is warm; the gas stove creates it own calming white noise; everything smells good. It’s the perfect atmosphere in which to transcend. And in the end, there’s something soothing about opening the freezer and seeing the stacks of portion size tupperware all lined up – comfort in portable containers.

Cooking for me is a creative process – I think I’ve followed any given recipe exactly once (if that.) I love feeling safe enough to substitute at will – raisins become dried cranberries, orange juice in place of lemon, apple sauce instead of oil… it’s a little bit like being a mad scientist, letting both my imagination and knowledge run wild.

For the most part it works out; there’s the occasional failure – like the low-fat, gluten free pumpkin scones I made recently which had the consistency and taste of orange play-doh. But the flops tend to make me laugh, and bring me back to the kitchen next time armed with more knowledge and determination to “get it right.”

Oh and when I do… I can’t possibly keep a good thing to myself; I just have to share! …which means that all my loved ones end up with little gifts of tasty pleasure.

It’s a win-win situation for us all… perfectly balanced – at least in my mind. They receive my affection for them in bite size morsels while I get the pleasure and zen of cooking, as well as the opportunity to nurture them in a way that takes nothing away from my own energy.

Ahhh, bliss!

One of my recent experiments, yielded this fabulous recipe for Butternut squash soup… based on the Moosewood Cookbook’s low fat New England Squash Soup, I’ve made some substitutions that make it not only a perfect blend of carbs and protein, but a wonderful, rich, creamy, sweet fall soup… and GUILT FREE!!!

I hope you find comfort in making it, joy in sharing it, and nurturing in consuming it… xoxo

Butternut Squash Soup

1 c diced onions
1 celery stalk chopped
1 garlic clove, minced or pressed
1 c unsweetened apple juice
1 butternut squash (about 1 lb) – peeled, seeded, cubed
1 sweet potato, diced
3 c of water, or veggie stock
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1 12 oz. package soft tofu
salt & ground black pepper to taste

Combine onions, celery, garlic, and apple juice…. cover and simmer for about 10 minutes, until veggies soften. Add squash, sweet potato, water/stock, bay leaf, thyme, salt, and nutmeg. Bring to a boil, cover, lower heat, and simmer until all veggies are very soft – about 20 to 25 minutes. Meanwhile, blend soft tofu until it is smooth and creamy. Remove soup pot from heat and, working in batches, puree the soup with the tofu in a blender or food processor. Add salt and pepper to taste.

“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”~ Dylan Moran

“The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity, and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because philosophy is an exalted activity, will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.” ~ John W. Gardner

It’s been 35 years since Chicagoan Studs Terkel published his groundbreaking book Working.  In it, Studs interviewed everyone from prostitutes to CEOs, housewives to artists, revealing what should have been obvious all along – people are more than the jobs they do.

Truck drivers read philosophy; physicists wait tables.  We simply can’t judge or dismiss any individual based on the tasks they perform…

This seems obvious, and most likely I’m preaching to the choir, but time and again, I’ve seen women in business suits treat sales people like servants, and groups of white shirted executives berate their servers.  I’ve heard students from impressive schools talk down to a grocery checker old enough to be their mother.  I’ve watched artsy types reject drinks from khaki-panted men.

Mark Twain said, “clothes make the man,” but he’s only right in so far as our judgment is concerned.  We pigeon-hole each other based on assumptions we make…

I know a lawyer who dresses like a rock star, and an actor who insists on wearing a three-piece suit.  My barista at Starbucks today is a professional dancer working for his insurance.  Bill Clinton once worked in a grocery store, Thomas Alva Edison in a railroad mail car.  Madeleine Albright sold bras; Warren Beatty was a rat catcher.  Ellen DeGeneres was an oyster shucker and Stephen King was a janitor.

We can all dress up or dress down; there are all kinds of reasons having nothing to do with IQ or talent for why we choose the work we do … and in today’s culture, it is a mistake to underestimate or write anyone off based on nothing more than appearance or occupation.

So much better to treat every individual we come across with the kindness and respect we would like to receive; even better to take the time to see the human being behind the apron, the hardhat, the uniform.  Who knows what we’ll learn?

“If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.”
~ Shakespeare, The Merchant Of Venice

“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you.’” ~ Erich Fromm

There’s a piece to this whole self-care puzzle that I’ve never considered up till now. “I can’t take care of anyone else if I don’t take care of myself” is pretty much my mantra the days (as if you couldn’t guess if you’ve been reading these postings regularly :D)… but I’ve never stopped to think about the effect my wellbeing has on those who love me.

HHP Founder Kurt Hill has always said that, “true love is two people standing in the light of the Divine, loving themselves.” When love is real, it is as much, if not more, an act of self-care as anything else. We find that we like who we are in life because of who we are accepted as and supported to be within our relationships… so when we contemplate the loss of our special someone, beyond the loss of their wonderful, warm presence in the world, it’s not losing the gifts that they bring or having to do the chores that are their’s, it is the loss of who we are when we are with them that can leave us reeling. It is good for our health for our loved ones to be healthy.

If you flip the picture, then taking care of ourselves is not only self-care, it is, in actuality, an act of nurturing towards our loved ones. Our continued good health frees them form the burden of worry – which, as we all know, brings with it its own stressors and health concerns.

So if we want to love our loved ones best, we had better love ourselves!

“Listen, big boy,

Now that you got me made,

Goodness, but I’m afraid,

Somethin’s gonna happen to you!

Listen, big boy,

You gotta be hooked, and how,

I would die if I should lose you now!

Button up your overcoat,

When the wind is free,

Oh, take good care of yourself,

You belong to me!

Be careful crossing streets, ooh-ooh,

Cut out sweets, ooh-ooh,

Lay off meat, ooh-ooh,

You’ll get a pain and ruin your tum-tum!

Wear your flannel underwear,

When you climb a tree,

Oh, take good care of yourself,

You belong to me!”

~ B.G. DeSylva and Lew Brown, Lyrics to Button Up Your Overcoat

“Stress is what happens when your gut says ‘no way,’ but your mouth says ‘no problem.’” ~ Unknown

I kinda feel like I could walk away from the above quote with a “’nuff said” attitude and a bit of a strut – very John Travolta at the end of Staying Alive.  It’s so succinct, and for me personally, just such a shot between the eyes- like getting a hunk of fresh wasabi with your sushi… POW!  I actually laughed out loud when I read it, both from surprise and recognition.

We do it all the time, say “yes” to things we know we should say “no” to… if we’ve done a poor job of learning how to ask for what we need, we’ve done an equally bad job of learning how to decline a request in a way that is both firm and graceful and doesn’t cause us to be wracked with guilt for days, week, and even years after.  I have, at times, found myself absolutely furious with someone for putting me in a position where I have to choose between my needs or theirs, a position that feels like an absolute lose-lose for me alone.

Part of the problem, of course, is that, culturally, whether you’re religious or not, we’re working out of a 2,000 year old mythology that tells us that it is godly to be self sacrificing to the point of death and beyond.  There is very little out there that rewards us for putting our own needs ahead of someone else’s… even when what is being asked is inconsiderate or unreasonable.  Pop “selfish” into any quote site online and you’ll get page upon page on the evils of ego, while “self sacrifice” yields author after author waxing poetically about the blessings of self immolation for the good of another, or the heroism of the individual forgoing on behalf of the whole.  Try “self-care” and you have to go google hunting for a single decent, meaningful expression.

Obviously, I’m not championing personal greed – but I believe there is “smart selfish” in addition to “dumb selfish.”  Dumb selfish never takes into consideration that, in the big picture, the good of the whole can and frequently does benefit the individual.  (Bernie Madoff may be the ultimate poster child for dumb selfish.)  Smart selfish says, “I can’t take care of anyone else, if don’t take care of myself.”

I wonder what would happen if we all chose, just for one day, to actually act on our gut instinct to say “no?”  But, of course, just saying “no” isn’t enough; we need to find some way of making it ok to choose ourselves…. maybe, “can I get back to you” is a first step.

I don’t have an answer; I’m working on it myself… what’re your thoughts?

“Self-sacrifice which denies common sense is not a virtue. It’s a spiritual dissipation.” ~ Margaret Deland