“When tears come, I breathe deeply and rest. I know I am swimming in a hallowed stream where many have gone before. I am not alone, crazy, or having a nervous breakdown…. My heart is at work; my soul is awake.” ~Mary Margaret Funk
It seems like transition is in the air… lots of people are feeling unsettled, out of sorts, “betwixt and between.” There’s a sense that the ground beneath their feet is no longer solid; it’s a little bit like being Bambi on mental/spiritual ice…
I wrote back in December about the process of metamorphosis in which a caterpillar becomes a butterfly (Holistic Life: Butterflies Are Free). When a caterpillar enters the cocoon, its body actually breaks down into its basic chemical building blocks from which the butterfly is then formed… kinda like taking apart your Lego ferris wheel in order to use the pieces to build the Eiffel Tower.
During a lifetime of work, Polish psychiatrist and psychologist, Kazimierz Dąbrowski* developed a theory of personality development he called Positive Disintegration. (This sounds like a non sequitor – bear with me)
The Theory of Positive Disintegration states that “psychological tension and anxiety as necessary for growth.” Each time we are about to shift or move into our next stage of consciousness, our current beliefs “disintegrate” – just like the caterpillar’s physical body. “Truths” that have been the bedrock of our present state are no longer certain. We experience a breakdown of all that we have “known” as the energy and knowledge used to maintain them is essentially cannibalized to build our new self.
No wonder transition is so uncomfortable! And interestingly enough, the discomfort itself serves a purpose.
Human beings, in many ways, are essentially complacent. We would much rather stay in the place we know – even if its painful and unhappy – than move into the unknown – no matter that the unfamiliar space holds the possibility of joy and fulfillment. Positive Disintegration holds that the distress we feel in the process of change actually propels us onward into our new reality. Things grow so uncomfortable where we are that we are compelled to move forward and complete our transformation. It’s essentially the equivalent of forcing a baby to walk on its own by heating the wall up to red hot… it can be painful and abrupt, but it gets the job done.
Just like childbirth comes with work, pain, discomfort, and, ultimately, a lack of control over the process, so too, the birthing of our Selves can be distressing. Plus, unlike childbirth, we have no idea what we will have when the birth pains end. When disintegration starts, we are on an express train going I-don’t-know-where.
At these times, what we do have control over is our thoughts about the process. Instead of becoming overwhelmed by the discomfort, we can choose instead to have faith that our pain has a purpose for our ultimate good, that, with work and care, with gentleness for ourselves, we too can grow wings… We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, through the pain, through the anxiety, trusting that there is an end within our grasp…
and don’t forget to breathe… and remember that there are people who will walk beside you through the process – all you have to do is ask.
“I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.” ~Harry Emerson Fosdick
* For more on Dąbrowski, Wikipedia has a great intro… click here!
Dabrowski’s theories resonate for many, even given their relative obscurity.
His theory of development, a level rather than stage-type theory is predicated on the individual giving up the former level in order to move to the new level of consciousness. As you note so well, the ‘tweener state, when the individual is leaving the old level behind for the relative unknown of the higher level is a particularly uncomfortable, disturbing time.
What I appreciate is that Dab’s theory normalizes the pain and disorientation that is experienced when one is growing into a higher level of consciousness. He uses the term ‘psychoneurotic’ to describe the experience many have that is often is viewed as illness by the medical profession.
Here is a poem that may touch you:
http://www.positivedisintegration.com/greet.pdf
Very cool, my dear! Levels does sound much more positive than stages. I feel like people view a stage as something that needs to be gotten over, not moved through. No two people move through life in exactly the same way, and with levels, there seems to be the potential for unending possiblities. No right way or wrong way, just what you as an individual need to experience.